It’s hard to be vulnerable every week like I wanted. Some weeks I haven’t really processed my life to figure out what exactly it is that is making a mess, I just know some days I just feel a mess. Not every day, just some, and it’s more of a slump. I always knew I needed to be in constant movement growing up, mostly because my mother always said I needed to be entertained. As I’ve grown and noticed my own personal tendencies, it is a truth. But what she probably didn’t know, that I have figured out is that if I’m not “entertained” I quickly stop moving completely and end up laying in the most horizontal positions ever. I don’t ever end up thinking too many negative thoughts; I just end up thinking nothing, which if occurs multiple times a week, I do end up sitting upright and thinking about life. That’s when a self argument happens. This year, I have been trying to get better and realizing that our spaces on the internet are so minuscule and finite. They are great ways to become an entrepreneur and spread the word of a business, but when they become a facade of who we really are, it becomes so unhealthy. A couple of years ago, my gentleband and I became debt free. That means we do not have any student loans, credit cards, car payments, basically we owe no one any money. I’m not saying this to be boastful, but I am saying that because we spent a year not doing anything we really wanted to do and figured out how to be smart with our money, I feel like we’re personally seeing the fruit from our decisions this year. Within that fruit, we are not only able to save our money for our future, but we’re able to be generous, at least I hope we’re generous. Also within that, I decided I wanted more experiences. I wanted more quality. I didn’t want to lead a life of just work, I wanted to work to be able to rest. Last week, we were able to find rest with our friends in D.C. We went to there with our agenda being to spend time with our friends, eat food with them, and drink with them! For me, it was all about spending quality time with them and traveling with my gentleband. We did all of those things. It’s always lovely to laugh, drink, and eat with people you want to be forever friends with. You know what’s also lovely? Teary eyed conversations about real life. From the people watching on the outskirts it looks so lovely, and you can feel your mess being on the verge of something beautiful, but the moments are still painful and eerie. Do you know that feeling?
While my words are probably much deeper than the photos I’m going to share, I still wanted to share them, mostly for me and because if I posted all of these on Instagram, I’d be annoying.